Most of the Boob stories on this site come from just two people, Kin and Zero, and in case you suspect they're prone to exaggeration, here's an account courtesy of eye-witness Darien Valentine, who, with three other people, was a guest at Kin/Zero/Boob's residence for two weeks in the summer of 2002.

Having experienced the Boob far less than Kin and Zero, I don't have any stories with ‘punchlines,’ really. But here are some of the things I did see:

The contents of the refrigerator were mostly the Boob's; Kin and Zero ate out mostly, it seemed. Notably there were four bottles of milk, all the Boob's, all open, and all with about ˝" of liquid left in them. I didn't think to check the expiration dates at the time.

The Boob liked to eat at a folding table next to the kitchen. It was very clear when he had eaten because afterwards, the floor would be covered with food. He ate a lot of fast food and there would be wrappers lying around, bits of meat and lettuce in the carpet, etc. One day he had a whole chicken - I believe it was a chicken, although all I remember for certain was that it was large and glazed and brown - roasting in what looked like an over-sized toaster oven, or one of those counter top ovens you see in infomercials. It roasted several hours, and that evening, he ate THE WHOLE THING! The greasy brown pan was, needless to say, left on the counter, where it remained for at least the duration of our visit.

One day, we saw the Boob's mother. She was huge and loud and waddled. She walked right to his room and stayed there for about an hour.

Bill, one of the four of us guests, is a very big fan of the television show The Mole. He hooked up the television in the central room of the apartment and we all sat down to watch it with him. Shortly after it began, the Boob came home, through the door behind us. He walked over and stood beside the television set, and in one of the whiniest, bitchiest voices I've ever heard, informed us that informed us that he was going online now. He reached over and turned the TV off, then unplugged the cable from the back of it, and went in his room. Apparently you couldn't access the internet and watch TV at the same time, because there were only two cable connections - one in the room we were in, which was normally used for the modem, and one on the Boob's room, so that he - and only he - could watch television. Interestingly, Kin and Zero still had to pay for a portion of the CTV bill. Says Kin, “Rather than call the cable company (for an account that was under his name) to come install cable jacks in our rooms as he said he would do from day 1, he got some kind of pleasure out of being the cable god and was a bitch instead.”

At some point during our visit, the Boob confronted Kin with accusations that one of us had drunk his soda. I can't remember all the details of the event, and neither can anyone I've asked about it. I'm not even sure it was soda, but it was a beverage and it had been in the refrigerator I believe. Actually, ‘frozen concentrated fruit juice’ comes to mind, but could that have possibly been it? Anyway, what I do remember is that there was some confusion as to whether anyone had actually drunk it at all - it seemed to all be in the Boob's head. Rather than argue it, though, Kin went to the store and bought the Boob a replacement.

The Boob also complained to Kin that we had been making a mess. The irony of that should be clear if you've read enough of the stories in this archive yet. So we did clean, but aside from dirty laundry and assorted objects around our luggage, what we were cleaning was the Boob's mess. Coffee grinds - or something that looked like them - scattered around the garbage can. The aforementioned fast food flecks embedded in the low-pile carpet. Green something-or-other in glasses. Roach corpses*. As guests, it was our obligation to do as one of our hosts had asked, but it really was a shock to experience first-hand what we had only heard about from Kin and Zero. The Boob really is the scum of the Earth.

*Roaches are ubiquitous in much of Las Vegas, indoors and out, and they would probably have been there with or without the ample food. But I'm sure it didn't help, either. (Zero's note: It was mostly because the area was still being developed where we lived. A lot of construction was going on and new buildings were popping up all of the time. This basically drove them out.)